Addicted
by El Leon Y La Oveja
Summary: "It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me, leave me alone..." Ginny can't stop writing to Tom even though something is telling her that it's dangerous. Ginny POV. Songfic to Kelly Clarkson's 'Addicted'. GW/TR


_**Addicted**_

_/_

_It's like you're a drug_

_It's like you're a demon I can't face down_

I've become increasingly worried that this is wrong. I'm too reliant upon the diary but I can't stop writing. You're too powerful.

_It's like I'm stuck_

_It's like I'm running from you all the time_

I don't know how many times I've told myself that I won't write back. Then I give in and decide to reply one last time.

_And I know I let you have all the power_

You know how vulnerable I am. I've told you, shown you and allowed you to be the dominant one. I've never helped you deal with a problem or seen any form of weakness from you.

_It's like the only company I seek is misery all around_

I don't care about anyone else. After I've spoken to you, it's almost like no one else matters. I don't even miss my Mum much anymore.

_It's like you're a leech_

_Sucking the life from me_

Where's the confident, chatty and excitable girl I used to be? My brothers are beginning to notice the change. I can fake my personality in letters but in reality, I'm a shadow of the person I was. I'm becoming nothing without you and I think that's what you wanted.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_Without you inside of me_

When I'm writing, I feel as though I have to tell you everything. Something in the diary makes me want to spill my secrets. There's nothing in my mind that you haven't heard. I don't even feel safe without having you in my head. My brain is almost connected to my quill and the words flow across the page and vanish before I even realise how much I've told you.

_And I know I let you have all the power_

_And I realise I'm never gonna quit you over time_

I tried to get rid of the diary but it _always_ finds its way back to me. I want to write to you. Worse than that, I need to write to you.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

Who cares about Hogwarts, the school I've been longing to attend since I was three? I feel trapped inside my own mind unless I write down my fears and spell them out for you. I don't care about making friends or doing my homework or learning to fly a broomstick. There's nothing but you.

_Nothing but you_

_I'm addicted to you_

I just want to talk to you all the time. Nothing else makes me feel happy or content.

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

Every new thought I have, I want to share it with you. I sit in class and I can't wait to rush upstairs and talk to you about my day.

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

I can't even go for one night without dreaming about you. Even before I knew what you looked like, I dreamed of you. Having a friend like you is every girl's fantasy. You understand me. I never fight with you. You don't disagree. You see me, like no one ever bothered to see me before.

_You've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me_

_It's like I'm not me_

Ginny Weasley could be anyone. I could be anyone. As long as you're here Tom, I don't need anything else. Lock me in Azkaban with the diary and a quill and I'd be fine.

_It's like I'm lost_

_It's like I'm giving up slowly_

It's funny but the more I write to you, the less I feel like me. I can't remember anything I've done during the day, except writing to you and reading your replies.

_It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me_

_Leave me alone_

I don't want to dream about you anymore. I used to dream about Harry, about my brothers, about my parents and my friends. I miss having other thoughts. There are always other students laughing and joking and studying but I know that I'm not like them. Sometimes I wish you weren't here, just so that I could be lonely again. At least that would be normal. I don't even miss my Mum now but that's not normal, is it?

_And I know these voices in my head_

_Are mine alone_

In the middle of the night, I hear someone calling my name. People telling me to do bad things. I wake up and write to you, you show me memories and I black out. Once hours have passed, I forget what I've been doing. You write back and tell me that it's a side-effect of homesickness. I believe you because I trust you.

_And I know I'll never change my ways_

_If I don't give you up now_

I need to get rid of the diary if I ever want to be normal again. I'm sorry, Tom. I'll miss you more than anything.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

I need the diary back. Merlin, MERLIN, I need the diary back. I'm desperate to find it. What I'm going to do is copy all of my thoughts down on a piece of parchment and when I've got the diary back, I'll write them in. Until I find the diary, I can't sleep or concentrate on anything. Tom, I need to talk to you so badly.

_I'm addicted to you_

I can't tell anyone about us in case they take you away. I think I would eventually die if that happened.

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

_In my thoughts_

Please, leave me alone. I can't live with you but I can't live without you.

_In my dreams_

_You've taken over me_

Tom, Hermione was attacked yesterday. She's my friend and I don't know what I was doing when it happened. Oh GOD. Why can't I remember?

_It's like I'm not me_

I'm so scared.

_It's like I'm not me_

I need you to tell me that it will be alright.

_I'm hooked on you_

_I need a fix_

_I can't take it_

This will be the last time that I write. We can't keep doing this. It can't be good for you, either.

_Just one more hit_

_I promise I can deal with it_

_I'll handle it, quit it_

This will be the last time that I write. This time, I honestly mean it. I wish I didn't.

_Just one more time_

_Then that's it_

I had to write again but after this, there won't be anything else from me. I'm going to move on with my life.

_Just a little bit more to get me through this_

I felt so alone last night. That's why I've decided to write for one last time. I won't ever talk to you again after this. I can't. In a few days, we'll both be living our separate lives.

_I'm hooked on you_

_I need a fix_

_I can't take it_

Ron misses Hermione. I felt so guilty and scared and I wanted you to comfort me like you used to. It makes me feel so much better. I was wrong, Tom. I can't make it on my own.

_Just one more hit_

_I promise I can deal with it_

It's not dangerous. I'm only talking to you. I could stop anytime I wanted to, I promise.

_I'll handle it, quit it_

_Just one more time_

_Then that's it_

Soon, I'll be alright without you. I'll always miss you but nothing's forever. We had a great time while it lasted.

_Just a little bit more to get me through this_

The other first year students don't like me. You showed me that you knew what it was like to be alone. Can I see that memory again, just so I know that it isn't only me? Everyone goes through this.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you_

Is this love? Because it's more than friendship. I don't feel as though I could live without you.

_I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think_

_Without you interrupting me_

Whenever I see a couple, I think of you. How old are you now? You went to Hogwarts in the past but how long ago exactly? The thought that you might not be alive anymore makes me cry.

_In my thoughts_

_In my dreams_

You are the best friend I've ever had. There's never been anyone who would listen to anything and everything that I had to say. So I _will_ tell you anything and everything.

_You've taken over me_

You seem very interested in Harry Potter. Why? What's he got that I haven't?

_It's like I'm not me_

Since when did I become jealous and obsessive?

_It's like I'm not me. _

I couldn't have done that! Tom! Tell me the truth, please! How could I have set a monster loose? I don't know the first thing about magic yet! Oh Merlin, help me, Tom!


End file.
